“What’s the matter with you?” Paul asked a few days later. “You look like you found out your apartment is haunted or something. There isn’t anything wrong with your mom or something, is there?”
“No, Ma’s fine,” Brian replied. “But did you ever wonder why Mimi ended up going to your wife’s OB/GYN the other day?”
Paul sipped more coffee. “No, thought nothing of it. I really don’t get into Montana’s or her friends’ ‘female issues’. Jesus, Spanky, what brought this on?”
“Well, the phone call came in yesterday,” Brian said. “Mimi’s knocked up.”
Paul spit out the coffee and coughed. “WHAT?”
“Glad you’re taking it so well, dude.”
“No, no, I was just thrown off for a second. I thought Mimi was on the pill, though.”
“She missed a couple, apparently.”
“This is why there’s something called pulling out,” Paul responded.
“Uh, PL? There’s at least three times where you didn’t exactly do that either. Just thought I’d point that out.”
“Yeah, but you know what? I couldn’t be a happier guy with Mikey and those girls in my life.”
“I’m just not sure I can be as good as this dad thing as you are, homeboy.”
“I’ll let you in on a secret. I was in the same position you are now when I found out Reg was pregnant with Mac. Hell, I was a little shocked when Mon came home and told me she was having Mikey. I thought I was going to be the lousiest papi in the world, but I guess I turned out all right, because the kids are all healthy, and Montana hasn’t killed me yet. Besides, I’ve seen you with Mikey and the girls; you already gave the girls ‘the talk’–a little more crude than I would have liked, but you did nevertheless– and experienced labor when Mikey was born, even if you did pass out. You’ll be fantastic, Spank.”
“There’s a difference, PL. I won’t be able to give this kid back to you and Montana at the end of the day.”
“How’s Mimi taking all of this?” Paul asked.
“She’s as much in shock as I am. Damn, PL, we’re going to be parents. We never even thought about getting married, much less talked about it.”
“Who says you have to?”
“Yeah, but it’s best to do the right thing, you know? Give the kid a name and all that happy shit. You did that with Reggie when she was having Mac, remember?”
“Good point. Anyway, you know Mon and I are here to help if either of you need anything.”
“Thanks, buddy. Damn…..I still can’t believe we’re having a kid.”
“The shock wears off, don’t worry,” Paul reassured him. “You’ll eventually get used to the two AM feedings too.”
“Huh?!”
“It’s only for the first few months or so. Of course, if you have a girl, you’ll have to worry about things such as that ‘time of the month,’ training bras, boyfriends…..”
“PL? You’re not helping much here.”
“Just giving you a heads up what the next twenty-one years may hold in store for you, Spanky.”
“How about I just let Mimi do the raising for the first fifteen years and then I take over when the kid is sixteen? Teach him to drive, wrestle, and all the good stuff?”
“Tried that one with Montana,” Paul laughed. “It doesn’t work.”
“Damn.”
“You know, they have books about this stuff. I think I still have them around; at least I went back and read them for reference when Mon was pregnant. There’s also websites you might want to have a look at. You might want to go to a few Lamaze classes with Mimi too.”
“A what class?”
“Lamaze. It’s a birth method that that lets mothers tap into their innate birth wisdom and give birth simply and easily.”
“Jesus, I am so lost.”
“I feel you, dude,” Paul patted his shoulder. “I was in your exact position a little over seven years ago. It’s perfectly normal to be a little nervous; this is your first one. There’s going to be some bumpy roads through the coming years, but the bottom line is having kids is a real blessing. I tell you, Spank, much as they drive me nuts sometimes, I wouldn’t trade those girls and Mikey for all the money in the world.”
“I guess I broke the law after all, huh?” Brian asked with a grin.
“What are you talking about?”
“Remember you said it was illegal for me to duplicate my DNA?”
“Dude, I was joking around with you,” Paul laughed.
“You know, this kid’s going to need godparents,” Brian said. “Mimi and I were kind of thinking you and Montana. How about it?”
“Well, I can’t speak for the wife, but I’ll talk to her about it. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled with the idea, though. Thing is, if it’s a boy, the world better be prepared big time for two of you weirdos.”
“Verrrrrrrrrrrrry funny, PL.”
“Come on, expectant papi,” Paul grinned. “Let’s go check and see how the mami to be is getting along.”
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