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Things to remember when discussing blogs and bloggers

March 20 2007 at 1:06 AM
millie  (Login mod_millie)

I've been member of this board for years. First I read to follow some of my close friend's journeys, then I've shared some of my own. I know this board has it's ups and downs but I've generally found it to be supportive.

There have been a few threads in the past few days asking about and discussing certain blogs. I think it's great that people share resources. That's one of the fabulous thing about this board. And blogs are great.

But I think we should all keep in mind that behind every blog is a real person. A person who's courageous enough to share themselves and put themselves out there. It can be hard and scary.

Some people (like the amazing Karen of Naked Ovary) get hurt over and over again. By people they've never met and by people in their real lives who get angry at them. And then they (like Karen) go pass word protected, and all of us lose tremendously in the process.

The first infertility blog I read, like many folks a couple of years ago, was getupgrrl of chezmiscarriage. She wrote the most beautiful posts. But she had trolls and people stole from her so now none of her words, advice, inspiration, anything are out there for people just starting out.

Grrl lead me to Julie and Tertia and so many others. Grrl was incredibly supportive when I started my own blog. I thought no one would care. There weren't really any donor egg blogs back then. Wessel and Bee and I were all just getting started. Now there are at least a dozen.

When I went to South Africa over a year ago, Tertia contacted me. She wanted to offer her support and wanted to meet me (ME!little ol' me) but thought I wasn't interested. My husband and I met her for coffee and she was so warm and friendly and just awesome. Since then she's become a friend and I'm so honored to know her. I've been back to Cape Town and met Marko and her kids. I look forward to the day when she comes to the US for a book tour or just to hang out with all the friends she's made around the country.

In face, she's been exceedingly kind to all the folks from this board who have traveled to South Africa. She talks to folks, supports them, and cares a great deal.

She has been hurt a lot by commenters on her blog and by other folks in the blogosphere and internet who say mean things about her. I honestly don't know why anyone whould say such things, unless it's just jealousy.

She wrote that amazingly funny post called IVF Barbie that's been pass around again and again. She also wrote a post I love a lot called How to Be a Good Friend to an Infertile.

She doesn't want to go pass word protected. She does want to share her story and her fears because it resonates with so many people. She is a tremendous asset to Cape Fertility Clinic and Renew. She works hard to erase the stigma of infertility in her country, where things really are quite different from here. She's started an infertility support group just to help others.

And yes, she recently found out she was pregnant. It wasn't "ridculous" for her to think she was in menopause. She'd never EVER gotten pregnant on her own. In over seven years of trying it had never happened. So of course she thought it never would. Can you imagine? Finally one thing happened the way it should and it was a complete shock. She debated writing about it. She wasn't sure she was ready to share because she thought it might be hard to some of us still in the trenches. But above all she wanted to be honest and that's who she is.

Now admittedly I'm more than a little biased. I'm biased because I've seen her open herself up and get hurt. And I know how much it hurts her. She's my friend and it's grossly unfair. I've seen it happen to others. It's all to easy to sit here and comment on someone else's life.

But there are people behind these blogs. People with feelings. People who give a great deal of themselves. People who deserve more. So if you like to read blogs please keep that in mind. How sad it would be if everyone had to go password protected because a few people couldn't remember that it's not a soap opera, it's not some tv show, it's real life.

I'm sure Tertia could use a little extra love right now. I'm sure lots of bloggers can. So go delurk and tell your favorite blogger that you appreciate them and what they share. I know it would mean a lot to anyone.

This message has been edited by mod_millie on Mar 20, 2007 2:02 AM

 Respond to this message   

  1. Thankyou! - Kay on Mar 20, 2007
  3. Tertia sure could... - Brownowl23 on Mar 20, 2007
  5. Response to Belen from Tertia of 'So Close' - Tertia on Mar 20, 2007
    1. Hi there - Fay on Mar 20, 2007
    2. hey, I'd like to read your blog! - Carol on Mar 20, 2007
    3. I am so sorry- (preg ment) - Piper on Mar 20, 2007
    4. Wow, congrats on your very well worded... - Ingrid on Mar 20, 2007
    5. for what it's worth... - Lynn on Mar 20, 2007
  6. not to be difficult but can we remember to put OT for these kind of posts? - macR on Mar 20, 2007
    1. I thought she was pretty specific in her title. ??? n/t - Huh? on Mar 20, 2007
    2. But it's really not OT --- - SherryDee on Mar 20, 2007
    3. macR, give it a break. she was very specific in the title. nt - Anonymous on Mar 20, 2007
      1. said in the context of the whole blogging/slamming discussion happening on this page - macR on Mar 20, 2007
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