the child/ren wanting to know and even having a relationship with, the donor, the child's genetic contributor.
i thought hard on this one, would that hurt me? if one day they grew up and went to see her, got to know her, spent holidays with her and her family? my guess is it would hurt some of course. BUT i thought about this...i am not, nor will i ever be, the sole person in my child's life. i will be MOTHER and i have no doubt in that, i know NO ONE will replace me in that role to my child, regardless the genetics. however, i want my child to know and love, and to be known and loved by, others beyond me. although i know i will have an impact on my child, i also know that i will not be around forever, i know that i alone cannot provide to my child all the things she or he will need and want in life. no one person can do that for another person. it's impossible. we all need a variety of relationships in our lives, a variety of types of LOVE. i am whole enough in myself to allow my child to be a separate entity, to have thoughts and feelings beyond me, to be WHO, and HOW, and with WHOM, they want to be. i do not see a child i would be so lucky to have as ONLY a child, but as a person with an entire life experience that I will only be a part of. the donor is not a threat to me and she would not be a threat to our family. in my perception she would be an addition, if that is how it would play out. i equate my child knowing their donor, as i would my child having a relationship with any relative, aunt, uncle, grandparent, friend, etc.
i have lived a life fraught with family dysfunction. i know all to well what it is like to be genetically related to people who end up nearly destroying you, let alone not loving you. blood relations is not the 'BE ALL, END ALL' of the human family experience. FAMILY is a makeup of whom we choose to bring into our hearts and hold onto.
taking this a step further, and 'well, what if the child is denied by their donor and that crushes them'? life carries some hurt for everyone. hurt can build character, greatness and wisdom can be inspired by hurt, empathy and compassion can come from hurt. it is a given that every parent does not want to see their child suffer even one moment. how could you? However, i think a wise parent knows it is best to give a child the tools that he or she will need to cope with hurt, because in some way, shape, or form...it will come, it is impossible to create a world for any child without it. i would rather prepare my child, than have them blindsided. rather they not be raised to see the world as a perfect place and disillusioned with it when they find that things are apparently less than ideal and/or perfect. i would raise a child to understand that our lives are something we can create, despite whatever challenges we encounter. if those lessons have to start with their very conception, then that is where it starts...with my example.
Wilson
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