most upsetting I guess about this question is that we have to have it at all. It seems to signal the stigma or shame or something that surrounds this process and that makes me sad.
I have no problem with DE, and honestly, with what I have gone through I am not so dedicated to passing my genes on (eg I have some cancer going on). To me the fact that we chose to have a baby, chose a donor and went through this shows that we wanted this child and the child will know that. For example no DE child has to struggle with the question of having been given up by another person as an adopted child has to come to terms with. They do I guess have to struggle with something else, but because this is new, we aren't that sure how it might pan out. But I feel that to hide this from a child is to hide something about their creation, and how much we wanted it. And frankly, if they become interested at a later date in whatever it is about the genetic line, then that is fine, we can work that through. But I really feel that the fear of telling is mostly related to the social environment and that is truly sad. I hope that it becomes more common and that my kid will only realize that we wanted him or her very much even before he or she was born. I actually feel that in many ways the emotions that adopted children have to face is just as complicated, as they are confronted with the idea they were given up. That is not to say I am against adoption, in fact I am considering it, but I don't find it any easier to navigate in relation to what to tell a child.
Good luck and I hope we can all work in small ways, even if you decide not to tell, to contribute towards demystifying this process..
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