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So true (death, children ment./no flames in post)

November 12 2010 at 10:28 AM
Ariadne  (Login ariadne2)

Response to To Savannah/MOmof4

I read the thread last night & wondered if there was a way I could contribute this thought, as it is very much in the front of my mind right now. You have voiced it so eloquently, calmly, & kindly that I am adding mine to it.

Very recently I lost someone in my life to an extremely sudden, extremely brief bout with cancer. She didn't even get to say good-bye to her children. It was that sudden & severe. She had her youngest in her early 30s. I will soon lose someone else to cancer, also with elementary age children she bore in her early 30s.

Youthful motherhood does not guarantee you will see your children grow to adulthood or that you will get to be a grandparent to their children. Youthful motherhood in no way guarantees readiness or competency for the job, either.

You voiced some very real concerns & I think there is an age at which every poster, if they knew the person's situation, would say is too old. But drawing an arbitrary line is very difficult. I've met Kacee IRL & I'm a decade younger than she is, but she can run rings around me happy.gif (I'm 41 now, & have a DE toddler & a DE infant). I could never say she's too old b/c having met her, I don't believe she is too old. Also, her particular circumstances protect her children, should something happen to her.

I also know Kekona from another board. She is incredibly smart, compassionate, warm, & level headed, all things that make a great mom. She doesn't strike me as remotely unfit to be a new mom at this stage in her life.

We need to be very, very careful about negatively judging older mothers. As women doing ivf and women doing DE ivf, we live in an almost identical glass house, regardless of our age. Plenty of people out there would be happy to take away the ability of infertile couples to do ART. Period & across the board, regardless of age. The public in general isn't making big allowances for younger women doing ivf, I don't think.

Unfortunately, the discussion turned ugly, but I think the thing that bothered me most was the comment to the effect that if women are unable to conceive due to age, they weren't meant to be mothers. Open a newspaper or read the internet news. Children, viewed as such gifts to those of us seeking to have them, are sometimes born to monsters. Their fertility is no sign they should be parents. Some women are here b/c their child bearing years were cut short. Others went through menopause naturally, but at different ages. How can we draw a line in the sand based on an arbitrary age? People differ so much.

I hope it's OK to contribute these thoughts. I don't want to make trouble for Kenny or GIMB, but I do believe there is a way to have a reasoned discussion that doesn't turn ugly. These are issues that need to be considered & discussed, but calling people names or saying things in a way that is meant to cause hurt is unnecessary.

(The above is not aimed at any one poster, just to clarify. Just thoughts that have been on my mind since reading the thread, particularly in light of the recent loss in my life.)

This message has been edited by ariadne2 on Nov 12, 2010 10:33 AM

 Respond to this message   

  1. Great post!nt - LizLA on Nov 12, 2010
  3. Ariadne has made some great points! - Piper on Nov 12, 2010
    1. Well Said Ladies! - ks on Nov 12, 2010
  4. This is precisely what I was thinking, Ariadne (warning: donor genetic connection ment) - Vianna on Nov 12, 2010
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