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What I learned while researching TTC

November 27 2010 at 10:03 PM
Al  (Login AlinAsia)


Response to Why would anyone be interested in meeting their donor?

 
made it clear that donor conceived offspring have no real issues with their donor conception IF (a) they are made aware of it as a natural part of their growing up (there are some great kids story books published by the U.K donor conception group that explain it as a child's story) and (b) they have the opportunity to meet or obtain information about their genetic parent should they choose to. Much like adoption. I have multiple friends who were adopted (being a mid-1960s girl when single parents were mainly expected to relinquish their children) and they have all - without exception - attempted to locate their genetic parents (with varying successes).

I also joined the donor conception support group in my local area, which puts people investigating the use of donor sperm and/or donor eggs in touch with others in the same situation and with donor conceived adults who are willing to share their experience. The "need to know" element of finding your genetic heritage and the donor's reason for donating was such a strong theme for the adults in that group who were donor conceived. Reading 2 books written on the subject (which researched donor conception from it's earliest times to the present) also said the same thing.

So - as with the other posters - it's my view and I'm not trying to sledge anyone who might take a different perspective. But having learned what I have learned about what these future adults usually want to know (and are likely to feel) in terms of information on their genetics, there is no way I could proceed without a known donor. I just wouldn't do it to the future person I'm creating. That genetic link is such a strong pull - if it wasn't, the issue of DE wouldn't be such a socially and emotionally charged struggle for many women (me included). I can't see how I could experience these emotions about genetic linkage and not think that a future young adult might feel them too.

My identity disclosure sperm donor in Australia (I am Australian although working on contract in Asia) yielded no information to me personally but would have been required to have some contact with my offspring after they turned 16 (at the child's request only). The sperm donor I've been using in the U.S has offered so much more - a lovely opportunity to hear why he and his wife donate (she is also an egg donor and they are both organ and blood donors), what they think and believe. A whole half hour audio interview. It has helped me a lot to know the genetic parent is such a warm and thoughtful person with such an open and accepting family. They are willing to meet adult offspring in the future. I would want the same for an egg donor.

But that's just me. To think that this whole process won't stir up emotions for everybody involved seems like wishful thinking to me. I expect there to be plenty emotions - they exist for me right now and may (or may not) for any eventual young adult that the child becomes - and I'm trying to make sure any information they wish to obtain is theirs by right. If they end up wanting to know nothing, then that's their choice. If they -as I have been advised - are likely to want genetic information, then I want to provide that opportunity to them.

No matter what people choose, I can see that everyone here wants to be the best parent they are capable of being...

Al

 
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  1. AL, do you remember what books those were? - Kekona on Nov 27
    1. Absolutely - Al on Nov 28
     
  2. Great post AL - Want2 on Nov 28
    1. that's what I'd like to have, too, ideally. nt - Kekona on Nov 28
     
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