My experience, (m/c ment, child ment, pg ment)December 27 2010 at 7:46 PM
|Hope2009 (no login)|
Response to DE after OE?
everyone's story is unique as is the path that they walk. Also, how they come to accept DE's and how they process and move forward on that journey is also different for everyone.
Your question was also one of the first that I asked myself before I even considered looking into DE's or finding a Dr. or clinic to work with...let alone approach DH with the idea.
The answer came to me as did a belief that I formed regarding why and when and how our children come to us, over the course of a few years.
I had had our last oe baby at 43...after a long journey of ttc and also after having a sad loss at 12 wks. Since we also had other children and since it had been such a struggle to finally conceive her we were so very done with ttc and were just living in a state of joy for the next 18 months.
Then very surprisingly we got pg again just before I turned 45...it was a shock to both DH and I. Here we had tried so very hard each month to have our last DD and finally concieved her at 421/2,,,and then several years later we put in one attempt apparently around O time, I WASN'T CHARTING ANY LONGER, and we concieve.
Just when we were wrapping our heads around having another baby, we lost moonbeam baby at 8 wks. My DH moved on quickly but I felt an intense need to bring that special soul back to us. I had read a story when ttc earlier that our soulbabies vibrate close to us, they circle overhead and finally when we get pg one of them comes to us. IF WE m/c the pgcy then that baby goes back to the vibrating circle and if we get pg again..that baby has a form of bumping rights and can join us again.
I loved that story and it really resonated with my soul. So when we lost moonbeam baby I felt like one was still waiting to come to earth and so we got back on the ttc bandwagon. Since my cycles were still very normal, and my FSH LEVELS low and all my hormones were working like clockwork we tried to conceive on our own.
I worked with a naturopath, a Traditional Chinese Dr. and took up tai chi and yoga to help move my energy...since I had also embraced the book, by /Dr. Randine LEWIS called the Infertility Cure.
Since I believed that we would be one of those mid 40 couples who was successful we kept going and what made it hard to stop was that I kept having chemical pgcies...if there was nothing maybe I would have closed the door or looked into DE earlier but after several years of this and my health even getting better...but no baby...we had our last chemical m/c when I was 47...that is when I called it quits with my own eggs.
I hAVE to say that along this path we looked into adoption domestic and foreign and also investigated fostering...we always came up across road blocks...based on age and the fact that we had several of our own children already.
After my m/c I took the summer and did a lot of early morning walks and meditation...and prayed that I would find a new path to walk...or for me to close the door.
Shortly thereafter I met several women on line who were my age and getting pg with DE babies...they were so overjoyed...some were first time moms....but a few like me had other children and just wanted to have another baby...it was like these women were sent to me at precisely the right time...the Universe works like that.
Then I actually met a woman in RL who was working with this great clinic and she highly recommended we meet the Dr. Now I still had to convince DH, you are lucky that at least your DH is on board with this path...but mine wasn't...he felt we were too old and that we should just call it quits...plus there was the financial aspect and anyone raising children knows they are expensive...he wanted to ensure all our children were cared for to the level of expectation that we had for them, University, opportunities for music, arts, the best education etc...and of course our attention...so it took a lot of talking late at night and debating but finally he did come around with us looking into it.
By the way...his big issue was whether the genetics of a DE baby would be as healthy as our family ancestors...he kept saying...we could be opening up a can of worms..but I kept telling him to trust...we moved forward.
I met my Dr. over the phone and since I live in Canada where one has to find their own donors..I STARTED on that path when my Dr. agreed to work with us. It really didn't take very long in retrospect in finding our wonderful donor....we both used to laugh and say that our soulbaby was bringing us together...he liked her genetics and my nurturing ability.
At the time it seemed to take forever to cycle...but in hindsight within 6 months of meeting our donor we were cycling...our fresh cycle ended in a chemical pgcy...and our following fET was successful..we thawed 3 eggs, transferred them all and got our beautiful son Will, which we often say, where there is a will there is a way...and where my little DD Grace says...he was God's Will.
There hasn't been a moment since he was placed on my belly that I didn't know him to be the baby from my dreams, Yes he didn't come in the timeframe of my dreams, nor did he come the way that I thought...but the amazing thing is he taught me so much about letting go and trusting and believing that miracles happen when we get out of the way.
There are days that I forget all about the long struggle and all the losses, when I look at him he is all mine....yes maybe he isn't from my eggs but he is from my heart and my soul which to me is so much more precious. I love all my children and realize that each of them came to teach me something and at exactly the right time for our family....he fits in beautifully.
Recently we moved forward with another FET as I just couldn't destroy our embies and it's hard to donate embryos in Canada...lots of legal issues...so we thawed three, transferred all and I'm pg with twins....so overjoyed and even though our family is going to be stretched in energy, time, and money...it's going to work out...it always does.
So sorry for the long novella...when I was at the beginning of my path I met so many women who were generous with their thoughts and their feelings towards this path and I swore that if I EVER was successful I would give back and share my story b/c you just never know how it will impact another person and the choices they make in life...and maybe, just maybe it will bring another soul into the world...we can all used babies that are so wanted and loved...I know my little guy shines with all the love and hugs my family bestows on him....he is a lucky little guy and we are blessed to have him.
Good luck finding your way....you will know if you need to take that next step with your oe's after doing some quiet meditation...take a walk in nature, sit on a rock, or under a big tree and trust that all things are connected on this planet and are working in harmony for you to live your best life....you will know what path you have to walk.
Blessings from Hope