I get it that you have been through alot...but you are still standing and looking for support. You need to look deep within yourself and not let the fear control or paralyze you...you are standing up again after all the heartache and punches that have been thrown your way. Consciously decide whether the want for a wee one overrides the fear... You are posting and it seems that it it a sign that you have the will to go forward..I am not sure what that means...DE maybe? Adoption? The past is the past and we cannot change it and it is life altering to lose a baby (changes your perspective for good) but there is hope in tomorrow in some other options...not sure what you have tried......I lost one and had 2 unsuccessful OE IVFs after that but am looking to DE IVF to get a healthy munchkin..after all that is what counts..if my eggs are messed up then so be it. I do not want to get far along again with OE then have the same wicked mc happen again and have to wait another year again..I think everyone has some sort of funkiness in their family so I gradually got over the loss of a genetic tie...and if you want to be a mom then don't stop til you choose...don't let the fear choose for you. There are no guarantees but you might get lucky if you try...we walk this road not by our choosing and it is a lesson in grace and compassion. There are some days I feel totally gutted -- walking wounded. I have given up going to baby showers and am concentratng on my hope for a big BFP and moving toward that. Just got confirmed with a donor so I am wee bit hopeful...I hope you get your hearts desire and are successful whatever road you take...Kee us posted!