I am so sorry for your losses. I think that your reaction is completely sane and normal.
I just wanted to say following BlessedThistle that we have done the initial round of classes for foster adoption. A friend of a friend adopted a baby who had been abandoned at the hospital, and that was what got me involved.
While babies are abandoned this way regularly, many kids come into the foster system from abuse, of course. The experience of going through the classes was unforgettable because of the stories of horrific trauma, but also the beauty of the people who don't run from this trauma but support those who have been through it. I got goosebumps hearing about them.
Anyway, it is a hard thing for anyone who has had a lot of losses to imagine going through, because the mother could return and claim the baby, but often they don't. You have the power to turn down any situation, so have some control over what you get involved with, but you can't always know. It is free, and you don't make any commitment to continue.
Also, there is the $13,000 adoption credit from the federal government for private adoption. There are adoption agencies across the U.S. who work on a "pay-as-you-go," so you don't have to pay all the money until you actually adopt a child, and then you will get a big part back. The benefit to private adoption is that the bio-mom doesn't change her mind in 95% of cases. You could also adopt from somewhere like Ethiopia, which can happen in less than a year and you can adopt a baby less than a year old. I really want to adopt a newborn, though.
We will be finishing the infant classes in Feb, and then maybe do another FET in March. If the FET fails, then we will probably sign up for a private agency, too.
Personally, being involved in the world of adoption has given me hope when my body won't comply.
I wish you the absolute best,