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Yes (children ment.)

March 19 2011 at 6:41 PM
Ariadne  (no login)

Response to did any of you feel sad ..

Initially I felt sad & resigned. We moved to DE when I was 35 b/c it offered us the best chance at parenthood & we were self-pay with 2 failed ivf cycles under our belts. A 3rd was a bust while we waited to do our DE cycle.

My dh was angry & sad. I don't recall being angry, but I was resigned & sad. I cried when I went through the donor profiles mailed to us by our clinic. Still, we selected one & moved forward.

The turning point for me was when the cycle failed. It was devastating & from that point on, I wanted nothing more than for a cycle to work & the sadness was replaced by panic.

Regardless of our histories, feeling sad is not unusual at all. For some women, like me, it fades away never to return. For others, there will always be a twinge of something. However, it is very, very unusual for women to have regrets. In the years I've been on these boards, I recall 2 posters who actually regretted doing DE. The rest do not regret their children & would not undo anything, even if they do still mourn on some level.

FWIW, I know of many women, including some I correspond with off the boards, who had to mourn moving from their eggs to DE. It was a process & not an easy one, but now, they are nothing but happy. The sadness, the grief, the shock. All of that is like a distant dream, something you know you once felt but can no longer actually feel.

I can't say you will get over feeling sad, but you certainly may. The women on here represent a whole range of feelings, but again, I can only recall 2 women who actually posted about regretting their decision.

If you are just now dipping your toes in the water, it is definitely a process & a strange one at first. I remember thinking I would never do DE if my ivf cycles failed. DE seemed weird. But when ivf failed with my own eggs, I changed my mind rather suddenly. It still seemed weird then, but once that 1st DE cycle failed & now, having been successful, it doesn't seem remotely weird.

Good luck to you!

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