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Yup (DE twins, rude comments from others)

March 19 2011 at 10:00 PM
CatMama75  (no login)

Response to did any of you feel sad ..

Hi Anon,

Not sure how far you are into this process, but your feelings are normal. Who spends their life dreaming of having a family with donor eggs? No one, in my opinion.

The decision to pursue DE, especially if it's not a choice, is tough. Sifting through donor profiles was at first, for me, sickening. I couldn't (and sometimes still can't) understand why a woman would want to donate eggs (unless they've known someone afflicted with IF or illness).

I was told at age 30 that DE was my only hope -- no explanations, no causes, no answers ... just told to accept it -- so the feeling of being robbed was so horrible for me. You reach a point, like other posters have stated, when you just want a family. You just want to feel normal. If you are lucky enough for your cycle to work the first time, the pregnancy will make you feel like a "normal" fertile woman... I found everyone fawing over me, especially because I was carrying twins. THe most bizarre comments: "You're having TWINS??? You must be soooooo fertile!!" I wanted to die.

My twin girls are beautiful, precious gifts. I love, love, LOVE them and would never, EVER regret them. They are the children I was meant to have. But I'd be lying if I said I don't still mourn my genetics... what could have, should have been. I wish I could say the pain has disappeared, but it has only minimized. And sometimes, it becomes more acute, like when people (who don't know) say "they look nothing like you..." or when people who do know deliberately say nothing. The egg shells are there.

You'll come to embrace DE in your own time. When the options that used to terrify you seem appealing, it's time to move forward. You will, too. But don't beat yourself up for feeling victimized. It's one thing when you deliberately wait to have children later in life or when circumstances like marrying late make family building difficult/impossible; it's different when you are told in your late 20's that you are menopausal. It's beyond unfair.

In the end, DE gave me my family and my life back. It's a beautiful option, and I'm grateful that I live in a time when the option exists. I often think of the pain felt by women in the decades past who were given zero options... that pain must have been paralyzing.

I wish you luck as you come to terms.


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  1. donating eggs - Orchid on Mar 19, 2011
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