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Of course it doesn't make you selfish . . . (kids ment'd)

May 3 2011 at 11:08 AM
Maggie in VA  (Login maggie1961)

Response to Does wanting the donor to look like me make me a selfish person?(child ment)


Clinics with their own donor pools that post extensive information and photos, sometimes even adult photos, do so exactly b/c it's important to people to find a donor who looks like them. And if you're no-tell, that's just being practical. The issue with wanting a donor who looks like you isn't that it's selfish to want it, it's how you prioritize your donor's characteristics. Most of us feel that using a proven donor is one way to help maximize your chances of success. And some women on this list have written that they put educational attainment or personality traits over physical appearance.

Now, if you want to cycle quickly or you have financial or emotional constraints that mean you need to try to have success in as few cycles as possible, then you have to really decide what your priority is. For me, it was getting pg as soon as possible, so I told my Czech clinic to put proven donor at the top of my donor wish list. Now, *sigh*, despite being told that my ED had brown eyes and hair, my twin boys have blue eyes and blond hair, although it was darker when they were born and I suspect it will be darker when they're older, probably about the color of DH's.

Blood type is obviously crucial if you're no-tell. If you really feel that uncomfortable with this donor, then maybe it's something inside you telling you to wait for another one.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)

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