Your question resonated with me, because I went through a similar process.
Adoption was my first choice. In theory, anyway. But, as others have said, the wait for a healthy infant was simply too long. I didn't decide on donor egg because I felt strongly about going through a pregnancy and giving birth. I know that's very important for many women, but having had 3 miscarriages, the need to be pregnant slowly fell away. But once we started looking into adoption, DH and I realized it was so much more complicated and uncertain than we were prepared or willing to cope with. And yes, adoption ends up being a very public process, which can be uncomfortable for some, as you make mention of. Adoption looks very easy on TV, but in reality, it is very complicated.
I'm 42 - and I really need to get this party started already, so we decided on DE. With any luck, we'll have a positive beta by my 43rd birthday next month.
You are going through a natural an understandable thought process. Your child will be very luck to have a mommy who thinks things through so thoroughly.
Good luck to you.