I have been on the board reading posts for awhile, but totally lost about strong feelings & fears I have about OE. I hope this is the appropriate place to post and I truly appreciate having a place to ask these questions. I am 43, soon to be 44. No health issues, but starting to show a few signs of low progesterone.
I have a strong pull toward DE as there are genetic issues in my family (which I know is one thing that scared me from having kids when I was younger) Although I have a sister and a brother with kids who are fine physically, my other brother has kids who are special needs. (although I love them dearly) However, my real issue actually with OE is mental illness issues in our family. Only myself and another sibling haven't been affected (so much so that people have said to us numerous time, "you sure don't seem like you belong in that family" which really hurts... However, I know its a roulette wheel anyway...I feel like "wow, wouldn't it be great to give a child a chance to not have this burden that I could possibly put on them?"...even though I know there are no guarantees in DE, it just sure seems like our gene pool is screwy.
I keep bouncing back and forth...somedays I just think, " just get started w/OE and if I don't get pregnant then go to DE" other days I think, "no, don't even try w/OE go straight to DE" maybe i'm letting my fears cloud my thinking, as I said I have siblings & relatives without physical and/or mental issues (but not many)
I feel like I have turned this over in my head 1 million times. I'm really feeling like DE would be right for me. I guess just seeing the suffering in my family, I think sometimes maybe this is why I've waited so long and God was warming me up to the idea (Does that sound crazy?) Plus the fact of my age plus I'm finishing up graduate school which DH wants me to do before we start this process...
I think about this ALL the time (actually getting obssessive about it really) But I feel like I couldn't breath it to a soul in my family (other than DH)...it could really hurt their feeling which I sure don't want to do...but turning it over in my head can get one weary :P
I guess I just needed to share that and wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way...I have only read one other posts that was even close to my feelings...(she had depression in her family)....I feel like if I told anyone this they would look at my like I'm from outer space or something (seriously!) However, my DH totally agrees with me and says he loves the idea of giving a child a fair shot in life.
Thanks for listening...