Hello Bharani , I have been away from the boards lately . Our cycle has not lined up as we had hoped , currently in waiting mode . I was peeking at the boards and saw your post and had to respond . As I have mentioned before , I am East Indian and understand the ethnicity issues . I would not , absolutely not go with another ethnicity . Even if the donor somewhat resembles you or not , the difference in ethnicity is just too great in my opinion . If you think about it you would easily tell apart a chinese person from a caucasian wouldnt you . There is so much more to it than just coloring . There is size/structure , which we may not appreciate from a photograph . looking at a person is another story . I have seen many hispanic donors that look like east Indian , but for the most part I feel hispanic men do not look like Indian men . Their figure is different . They tend to be shorter and overall stout , whereas Indian men are more skinny ( even though they may have pot bellies ) . So if you end up having a boy from a hispanic donor may look very different . Caucasians are so much bigger overall than Indians , the size discrepancy might be too much , plus just such a totally different look . There are things like eye color , hair color , whether hair is straight/wavy/curled, the way the eyes slant or not etc . These things tend to be similar or compatible in the same ethnicity , but likely to be different in different ethnicities . For me I had once overlooked an East Indian donor just because she had green eyes . It just gives it away . I strongly feel like being in the tell camp , but not sure if that is a decision I can make lightly . Also we have to consider the fact that our East Indian community is not open minded and having a baby that is overtly different is not a good idea . You do not want every single person who sees you with your child , be able to tell that you are different . I do not think it is good for the child in our community .
Whether or not to go with the first clinic . I would look and see why it didnt succeed the first time . How many embryos did you have . Was there good quality ? Was the donor proven ? Age of the donor etc . If you had to work with the same clinic , you could search for a donor who was proven and known to make many embryos . I know there are very few East Indian donors but I have come across donors like that . That way even though it will be very expensive atleast the chances of success would be higher . Also you could think of enrolling in success guarantee program like Attain Ivf etc which might let you cycle again for free if you do not succeed the first time . Also if expense is an issue , rather than Ukraine I would try East Indian donor in Bombay .
I am not sure if any of this is helping , but I strongly feel that donor from a different ethnicity is not a good idea . Also if you need info about agencies with east Indian donors , Pm me .