I'm in a similar boat here and have decided that I need to get some hormonal help. Part of it is that DH and I are not in a good place in our marriage, part of it is sheer exhaustion plus no time because of the kids, but part of it is that I simply have NO desire. And I mean NO desire. I think that is hormonal. I can be standing next to the most gorgeous man and feel absolutely nothing. Not even an urge to be a little flirtatious. Not even a thought of having fantasy or anything. I bought something at a fair yesterday from a super handsome and sexy guy who put his hand on my thigh briefly when helping me with the product. My brain was like, "Wow. He is so damn attractive" but my body felt zilch. How absolutely depressing. I mean, I'm 45 but I'm not dead yet.
In my experience it is the RARE man who will actually be able to have a sane conversation about sex and find solutions. Maybe you're married to one of the good ones. And maybe you're one of the women that feels ok psychologically "giving in" because it's worth it in some other way (makes him happy, which makes you happy, whatever). I just have a strong reaction to women giving in to sex because their husbands want and need it. And sadly, I am one of those women because if I didn't we would never have any intimacy as I have no desire at all. For me, it hasn't helped bring us closer one little bit. I'm resentful that he has sexual feelings and I don't but I'm doing it anyway. Makes me feel like a, well, you know...I won't say the word. But not everyone feels this way so you'll have to figure out what you're comfortable with. For you it could enhance your marriage and bring you closer.
Someone posted on the pink board last week that if George Clooney was standing naked in her bedroom she'd tell him to put some clothes on and get some bottles to feed the babies. Funny as I often give myself the "George Clooney test" and I can tell you that not even naked George Clooney holding a bottle of my favorite wine and a bouquet of flowers would do it for me. I'd kick him out and grab my favorite book if I had time to read.
So what I'm saying is that if your hormones are off, they're off. With all of the cycling and years of ttc and being on bcp, I'm pretty sure things aren't balanced for you. For me at this point, it's age for sure. I was on bcp's for years when young and had a strong sex drive, but everyone responds differently. So give yourself your equivalent of my "George Clooney test" and see what comes up for you. If you're like, "Nah. I'd much rather read a book or do just about anything instead of being intimate with you", then my guess is it's hormones vs. anything else.
And, I'm really sorry you're going through this. It sucks.
|This message has been edited by doglvr on Sep 12, 2011 2:31 PM|