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Thought I would be single; ended up w/DH, but . . .

October 26 2011 at 1:00 PM
Maggie in VA  (Login maggie1961)

Response to X-post: if you're single, what's your backup plan ?


As they say, it's complicated. I spent as much money as a Czech DE cycle costs on drafting a will and trust to accommodate our bizarre domestic situation, with my husband divorcing me. I asked my brother, who would have liked to have had children, but his wife had major physical and mental health problems. He ultimately separated from her (as lovingly as he could and after years of hell) and has re-partnered with a woman who has a daughter.

But DH and I reconciled. And he did not go through with the legal hearing to renounce his paternity, so he is now the legal father of my children, for better or worse. Honestly, as much as I love DH, I do not think he can care for my twins by himself, at least not yet, and my brother is partnered with an experienced mom. But if I died and DH took it to court, he'd win.

So, the answer is, I hope everyone plays nice. My oldest niece, who is now the mother of two boys, is the backup guardian. I had thought about approaching a couple from my church as I was unsure how my family would view my genetically unrelated kids, but my older sister expressed concern about whether they'd be able to maintain contact with them, so I approached family members.

I know this is a hard issue, and not necessarily just for the single ladies!

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)

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