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Dealing with parent's illnesses while tic

March 6 2012 at 1:53 PM
minniet  (Login minniet)

 

Hello:

We have been dealing with the emotional and practical heartaches of my mother's terminal illness (late stage cancer) for over a year now, and I put a lot of my time and love (thankful for the opportunity I had to do it) to help my mother and spend time with her.

Now, my husband's father is quite ill, and my mother has taken a turn for the worse. If I do not visit her this weekend, I may not see her again.

However, we are starting a cycle and it would be $$ and huge emotional energy (some of you know my story, but for those who do not, there is terrible family drama involved, none of which I instigated, but which I have to deal with around my mother's husband and my sister).

My mother may not make it out of the hospital this time. I was planning on flying out to see her (which is an all day journey to get there between plane changes and driving). It is financially hard on us, but mostly, it is overwhelming to me emotionally. I have decided to tell my mother I can not afford it, as I know she will understand this.

We probably could afford it, but I do not know if I can do it emotionally. Thinking about it makes me cry. I will be able to see her, but I will be surrounded by bullies, including a man who has physically attacked me (my mother's husband) and has only agreed to be "cordial" to me. (Honestly, I have done nothing to deserve this...I think he has dementia, and is probably not doing better with caretaking 24 hours a day for my mother).

Will I regret it? I hope not. I know that putting off my own ttc for two years as I tried to help her (and many times, succeeded in helping her) was right. I spent weeks and weeks with her over the last two years, and talk to her daily.

Does anyone else have these types of issues?

Can you reassure me that I am not being selfish, and that I will not have regrets?

 
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Responses

  1. Honestly - demomone on Mar 6, 2012
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  3. I am so sorry you are dealing with this - Seymo on Mar 6, 2012
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  5. I would go. - thesameboat on Mar 6, 2012
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  7. Talked at length with my brother and dh - minniet on Mar 6, 2012
    1. You don't sound - Seymo on Mar 6, 2012
      1. Thanks Seymo - minniet on Mar 6, 2012
    2. I faced something very similar this past year - Alex on Mar 6, 2012
    3. I'm sorry... - Catmama on Mar 6, 2012
    4. seems very sensible - lauranz on Mar 6, 2012
     
  8. You are a strong woman M. - THK on Mar 6, 2012
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  10. Tough one... - emilyr99 on Mar 6, 2012
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  12. first of all I am very sorry - Bharani on Mar 7, 2012
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