I am pretty sure I am not going. I feel at peace with it. I have spent a lot of quality time with my mother and I love her dearly and talk to her daily. But I would be flying into a situation which could be volatile. My sister is already telling my mother's husband that she does not want to see me. (Again, she has behaved terribly toward my mother, and in order not to acknowledge it, does not speak to me). I am happy that she can have this chance to make amends with my mother, despite the fact she does not want to see me.
I also feel I need to take care of myself.
Two years ago, I flew out and literally saved my mother's life. I flew out again and again, and made a great deal of sacrifices to help her. I did everything I could to help my sister and my mother's husband during that time as well.
I have absolutely no regrets. I just brought her to my home this past fall for a few weeks and spent wonderful time with her.
If I could just fly in, see her and come back, I probably would try to do it. But my presence could very easily cause some terrible behavior on the part of my sister and my mother's husband, which would really make my mother sad. She does not need to go through this again, and I do not need to be physically or verbally abused anymore.
Thanks for letting me hash this out here, it is not easy, and having been through this for the past few years, it has been a journey of love for my mother.
I probably sound like a drama queen, that I am making this about me, but my mother's husband has a history of angry outbursts and now seems to be exhibiting dementia, and my sister is bipolar, so they are not rational. The one thing we all have in common is my Mom, who is a loving and incredibly forgiving woman. If they can behave together around her, then I will be happy they have. My mother also has an amazing group of female friends around her, who are all visiting her and care about her. So she is not alone with the nut balls.
Thanks for your thoughts everyone.