Didn't go as I expected. It roller coasted from discussion to argument, to horrendously ugly sobs into the pillow, then back to discussion.
I'm sure you guys have probably all had these discussions too, so I won't bore you with the details, but I will say that all the cards are on the table and we have accepted that we are processing things differently and at different paces. I'm hoping that we will both be more attuned to each other now.
It did force me to say things that I hadn't even really admitted to myself and to realize things that I hadn't thought of too. For instance, he was complaining that I have been completely shutting him out and have barely said two words to him, let alone instigate any kind of affection towards him. I realized that I am doing this because whenever I look at him, I feel guilty that I'm not able to 'bear fruit'. It just hangs over us all the time so it's easier just to not look at him. Does that make sense? Can anyone relate to this?
He is concerned that I am simply too depressed to see that I'm actually not coping even though I think that I'm soldiering on simply by getting out of bed in the morning. He wants me to talk to my GP about getting medication to help me through it. I've been on antidepressants before and had a terrible time with them. I felt like even though I couldn't feel it, I knew it was always there just below the surface so everything felt false to me. I hated it and can't stand the idea on going on them. I have no problem with other people taking them. If it works for them then great. DH is actually on them so I have no stigma placed on it at all. I just don't think they work for me, but after last night's talk, I'm wondering if maybe I should try them again just for the sake of being able to talk to my husband again about what seems almost mundane and pathetic to me right now, when we have such huge issues to deal with.
What do you guys think? This all just sucks!
TTC for 3.5 yrs from age 27
4 rounds on clomifene
About to start IVF when...
DD OE 3.5yrs old now
TTC 2.5 yrs for #2
2 rounds of clomifene
Dx with DOR Jan 2012
Using DE from sister possibly