When we decided to so de, a dear friend of mine who had male IF as her fertility factor offered us her eggs after she finally had her own son. We were thrilled, and thought we bypassed having to go through all the things that finding an anonymous donor entails. It did not work out, however, and in fact, now that we are in the middle of an agency cycle with an anonymous donor, oh my, it is so much easier.
You are right to think about the process -- first, you need an excellent clinic with lots of de experience. Then, you need to see if she knows what this means and is willing to do all the medical and mental testing (not too onerous).
There was so much to think about before proceeding! We all saw an IF counselor. What would we tell mutual friends or not tell them? What about potential children, and the possibility of them going to school together? Family members? Our relationship?
She absolutely did not want any money, which actually, in the end made it harder.
Scheduling was challenging and I was stressed about it.
Sadly, she was in the minority of people who nearly died from the egg retrieval procedure itself. This was horrifying and I still have nightmares about it.
When she was admitted to the hospital, she did not give them the egg donor insurance, so there were all these bills going to her personal insurance co pay which I had to deal with as they were coming after her for payment and it was hard to go back and get Brown and Brown to initiate the claim.
And then, the fresh and frozen transfer did not work.
We are no longer friends, it was simply too painful of an event.
Fast forward three years later: we spent a long time finding a good agency donor, and while I was worried about finding her and getting the cycle started, once she showed up for the cycle start check and we sent the checks and signed the docs, OMG, I am so happy to not be worrying about every little thing. And, honestly, while I bless her daily for doing this, I do not want to have to worry about any health emergencies like happened to my friend, ever again.
I just wanted to share the harder aspects of a known donor.