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confusing feelings

March 29 2012 at 11:21 AM
nycmomma  (no login)

 

Hoping some of you can help me figure out my feelings.

We are gearing up for a DE cycle (still looking for donor, but have clinic picked out) and I'm having a lot of doubts and worries about my age.

I am in my late 40s. I look pretty damn good for my age. Most people would easily put me at 10-15 years younger. But no one escapes the ravages of time, and I see little things here and there, including my eyesight, that are not what they once were.

I'm having a lot of doubts and questions as to whether I should do this or not. I can't figure out my own feelings or whether I am letting society's judgement influence my own feelings.

How old is too old? I know it's personal, but how does one figure that out? I know I wouldn't want to go past 50, that's the only thing I know for sure.

The thought of not having a child leaves me feeling hollow and empty and that I will have failed in that area of my life. I really, really, really want a child and so does my husband. On many days, I am absolutely sure I can do this and want to do it and have no fear. And then there are days like today when I worry if I can handle a pregnancy and raising a child at this age in my life.

I have a friend whose mother was older (in her 40s) when she had her and it was never really a big deal.

Although I'm in excellent health, you just never know when you're going to leave this world. What if I do when my child is 15? or 10? or 5?

Has anyone else here had these feelings and how did you figure it out?

 
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Responses

  1. Re: confusing feelings - Anonymous on Mar 29
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  3. Had my twins at 48; yes, having kids older . . . - Maggie in VA on Mar 29
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  5. Had my twins via GS when I was 48 - BBG on Mar 29
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  7. These posts always resonate with my soul...m (child ment) - Hope2009 on Mar 29
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  9. I'm a bit younger, but my DH will soon be 50... - Kenny on Mar 29
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  11. thank you all so much - nycmomma on Mar 29
    1. Good to hear; would only add . . . - Maggie in VA on Mar 29
     
  12. Anything can happen - emilyr99 on Mar 29
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  14. know what you mean (babe ment) - THK on Mar 29
    1. Exactly, and that was a big motivator for me . . . - Maggie in VA on Mar 31
     
  15. Re: confusing feelings - ladytafs on Apr 19
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