Had my twins at 48; yes, having kids older . . .March 29 2012 at 12:16 PM
|Maggie in VA (Login maggie1961)|
Response to confusing feelings
Does confer more responsibility on you to take care of yourself and to plan financially so that you can avoid being a burden on your kids. But shouldn't parents do those things anyway? My dad was almost 51 when I was born and my mom was 38. As with your friend, it was not a big deal, but my dad's first wife had my older half-brother in her mid-late forties and died from breast cancer at 49. There are just no guarantees. My dad died when I was 32 and my mom died when I was 37. That's relatively young in our culture today (but, note, not even 20 or 30 years ago), but I was an adult.
It would be very sad if you died when your kids were young, but it happens all the time. It's a good reason to do all you can to stay healthy and it's a good reason to be financially prudent, but it's a silly reason not to have kids.
But, yeah, being a new mid-life mom is rigorous. I had twins, and as much as I love them, it's very demanding physically. If there's anything you can do to improve your health now, try to do it, because it is very difficult to take good care of yourself when your kids are small. Go to a mommy-and-me exercise class? They're mostly held on weekdays when I'm working, and with twins, it wouldn't be manageable anyway. Ever read how hard it is for shift workers to maintain a healthy weight? That will be you for the first couple of years of their lives.
Elizabeth Edwards' DE (or presumably DE) kids were still pretty young when she died, and Wendy Wasserstein's child, too. But do you think their kids would have told their mothers they were selfish or irresponsible to have kids later in life because they might die? I doubt it. Yes, you are likely letting social values that are largely the product of fundamental ignorance about reproductive biology, misogyny, and agism influence you. If you don't like the idea of projecting that kind of bias on other people, then don't project it on yourself, and don't let that control your decisions.
Maggie (in VA)