spent much of my pregnancy thinking "whathaveidonewhathaveidonewhathaveidone???" I felt like a gestational carrier for two little beings completely alien to me. Then they cane out 25 weeks and how I had felt completely ceased to be an issue. Not that it miraculously poof
went away but I had much more important issues to deal with, like if my children would ever get to come home with me from the NICU or if we'd say our goodbyes there. My duty to do all I could to help them survive and thrive became all that mattered. But I think if the pregnancy had continued closer to term, I might have had time for my ambivalent feelings to resolve.
Will look forward to following your journey.