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What would you ask your donor?

April 12 2012 at 9:02 PM
Anon for this  (no login)


I really appreciated reading the varying opinions on whether to look at donor photos or not from the post last week. I didn't really think about it from the child's perspective at all until reading the responses, but the insights really have been illuminating.

After a long road of donors falling through for different reasons, we found a proven donor that we absolutely adore. She had a communicable disease test come back positive, and because of that, we can't have an anonymous donation. The positive test is not an issue for reasons I can't get into....I have many mixed feelings about meeting her, and have actually thought about finding another donor to maintain anonymity. Mainly because worry of my own lack of ability to handle a meeting, sadly enough. I've cried and cursed the world, and wish I were one of those people who could insist on an open donation, have dinner with our donor like I've read about from other people doing. Just haven't been able to get comfortable with it.

The comments about how seeing a donor photo may be important to the child later on, really opened my eyes a bit, and made me consider perhaps meeting our donor can actually be a positive thing if I can put my issues aside.

It helps to think of what I may want to know about her outside her profile. Have you thought of questions you would like to ask your donor if you had the chance to meet her (or if you actually did meet her)?

 Respond to this message   

  1. I met my donor (children - DEIVF sucess ment) - THK on Apr 13, 2012
  3. Have you ever read the poem, The Invitation.'?....m (child ment) - Hope2009 on Apr 13, 2012
    1. Hope, we had this read aloud at our wedding... - lauranz on Apr 13, 2012
      1. Re: Hope, we had this read aloud at our wedding... - mary on Apr 13, 2012
    2. Thanks for reminding me of this! - Hopeful in Delaware on Apr 13, 2012
  4. a few things- - Piper on Apr 13, 2012
  6. Good thought provoking question - sugar on Apr 13, 2012
  8. Re: What would you ask your donor? - green.elephant on Apr 13, 2012
  10. Wow - in awe of your wisdom - OP on Apr 13, 2012
  12. My experience - minniet on Apr 13, 2012
  14. "What are your favorites." (children ment.) - PAH on Apr 13, 2012
  16. Not so much what I'd want to ask her . . . (contains potentially offensive terminology) - Maggie in VA on Apr 13, 2012
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