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OT: Seeking some input on neighbor and my baby

April 17 2012 at 2:37 PM
Funintheskies  (Login Funintheskies)


I'd just like some input or perhaps just some validation for an issue with my neighbor, two homes away in the not-so-friendly Northeast. I would so like to express some hurt feeling to her, but her teen daughter historically has been one of my major sitters to my preschool son. (That is less so at the moment, but they are truly close.)

Anyway, this neighbor snubbed me a number of times when I moved into the neighborhood. She definitely became more cordial after her daughter started sitting for me. But, I always received very, wildly mixed vibes off her, and some smacked of overt rejection. (This neighbor is quite attractive and fit, 40ish, cliquish and gossipy. She also seems to be one of the queens of the neighborhood social scene.)

However, suddenly, during DH's illness and passage, she fell all over herself to befriend me and help me. (Visitors from out of town really thought she was like my best friend or something.) I really hate the fact that she was even in the room when DH passed and made a huge deal of providing comfort. She even offered guardianship of my preschool son if something happened to me.. In the months after DH's passage, that support largely fell away except -- of course -- for a string of e-mails or a gift she dropped off when I wasn't home. (How typically convenient. It was just like the many times she wouldn't pick up the phone if I called in the early years of teen's babysitting.)

So, the direct contact with my neighbor has been extremely scarce during the last year or more except immediately after my baby was born during the summer. (DH and I had frozen embies.) Conveniently, she also stopped by once when her daughter was sitting, and she knew I was at a medical appointment. Now, mostly, if I see her on the street, she darts into her house as fast as possible without a wave. I see her from a waveable distance about every few months. (She did speak to me a few weeks ago, when she directly ran into me, but that was the first conversation in six months or so.) For the record, I'm sure some of dislike of me is justified, but I really mostly just have guesses as to how I rubbed her wrong in the beginning and how those perceptions continue. I probably came across as weird. I was quite lonely early in our move as I battled IF. Again, I'm mostly guessing.

So, here's the deal. The daughter sits intermittently and loves my children. About a month ago, when she was over, the teen asked if she could take my preschool son and my baby to her house so her mother could see them... I was upset but agreed. (I mean if her mother wants to see my children, she can stop by at any moment.)

Well, it happened again last night. This time, I was in the backyard with my children and with a different neighbor and her young children. The teen came outside when she saw all of the children. (The teen and her mother can easily see my backyard from her home, vastly more so than my front yard.) After a few minutes, the teen asked if she could take my baby to see her mother. I hesitated and sort of reluctantly said yes, letting some of my reluctance come through.

OK, I'm sure the mother is busy. She is attending community college for a nursing program. But, there is a long pattern of snubs, avoidance, whatever. She also is quite chummy with other neighbors and lives on the phone with certain friends.

What should I do?

* Nothing as teen sitters are hard to find. If I say what's on my mind I'll look more like that weirdo she avoids.

* Let off a few hints."Um, teen, couldn't your mother step outside for a moment if she wants to see my children?"

* Tell teen she cannot take my children to her house. (The teen has a long history of taking my preschool son to her house. Some of it I don't mind so I can do work, but some of it is way too obvious. Her mother wants to see my son, but not me.) For the record, I've only once briefly been inside just the living room of that neighbor's house in seven years. But, in general, there really is far less interaction inside homes and more outside homes in my neighborhood than other place I have lived.

* Tell neighbor, who openly presents herself as Christian with similar faith to mine, that she has really hurt my feelings.

Thanks in advance for any input.

 Respond to this message   

  1. IMO things are mostly fine the way they are . . . - Maggie in VA on Apr 17, 2012
    1. Thanks - Funintheskies on Apr 17, 2012
  2. I'll tell you what I'd do but I think - Seymo on Apr 17, 2012
    1. Hey back - Funintheskies on Apr 17, 2012
      1. I understand about the shut-out vibe - Seymo on Apr 17, 2012
        1. Thanks back... - Funintheskies on Apr 17, 2012
  3. Re: OT: Seeking some input on neighbor and my baby - Anonymous on Apr 17, 2012
    1. Well, - Funintheskies on Apr 17, 2012
      1. Re: Well, - Anonymous on Apr 17, 2012
        1. Well, - Funintheskies on Apr 17, 2012
  4. Thanks and - Funintheskies on Apr 19, 2012
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