Your life has been on hold for a very long time. You have not been able to follow through on plans due to ttc and your DH's illness. That will wear on anyone.
It is also understandable to not know where you want to live due to having a child or no child.
DH and I have been married for almost 4 yrs and have been ttc the entire time. We finally bought a home 3+ years into the marriage. The home is meant for a family. We decided that we could not stand the not making steps to our future stuff anymore so we bought a house. Some days I think, what are we doing in this house and some days I think, this was the right thing to do. I do feel happy that we made a step in some direction.
Doing the cycle is giving you a step in a direction. I think it is normal to feel like "Do I really want this anymore?" This is hard road and it will wear down even the most focused of traveler.
Hang in there and let us know how we can help.