Terrible news. You simply do not deserve this - any of this.
I'm praying for strength and courage for you. You will get through this awful time, it may not feel like it right now. The universe is just not making it even slightly easy or even bearable right now, but things will change, I promise, they always do.
When I was at my lowest ebb, I read 'When bad things happen to good people'. It helped me to pray again.
Keep posting Minniet. There are so many people here who want you to succeed and are supporting you every step of the way.