OK, not a very well known saying outside the DE community but we at least know it well. You made an informed choice after much research...no need to feel dense at all. *insert futile yet well-meaning hug here*
Do you think under the circumstances, the potential surrogate would be willing to take less compensation for this cycle until after 2ww since there is a fair chance that you will be cycling again? One thing to consider - maybe the other recipient had not really been put through her paces re testing prior to cycling? I am surprised at how often some fairly basic (well, at this point it seems basic) testing is not done before pursuing DE.