I came from a Christian background, for some portion of my childhood and adolescence was fundamentalist, then tried a variety of churches, then visited some synagogues, went to some Buddhist meditation meetings, went to a Universalist Unitarian church for a few months, even tried "goddess" spirituality until one day I thought how ridiculous it was that I had pictures of women and angels all over my room. Hmmm.
My husband is still deeply religious and I am not. It's hard, and now there is a question in my mind about the children we finally have at long last. But the process of getting them here is exactly what destroyed my faith.
I wish no offense to anyone here, but, all the various religious ideologies now just seem absurd to me and I wonder how anyone could believe them. A virgin birth? Why? The Greek influence is very strong in that story, which is why I first started to doubt it. God asking his devout follower Abraham to slaughter his only son as proof of his love for God? Why would a loving God do that? I could go on but will stop there. The problem of suffering and evil is the main issue though. All the other stuff that seems hard to believe, I could put down to man's clumsiness in trying to capture the essence of God. But a God who would stand by while people are raped, tortured, murdered, or left to die a horrible death from cancer or whatever, wars, natural disasters, pestilence, or even just the relentless crushing disappointment and pain that many people live with throughout their lives. None of it makes sense to me.
But your comment about it not being satisfactory or comforting to be an atheist also hits home. That's why I never tell people I'm an atheist and actually haven't even admitted it to myself, really. I don't want to be an atheist.
Sorry for the downer!!!! I know I will never recover a belief in God. It's just gone, along with my eggs.