Your journey sounds like mine, especially the embarrassing goddess pics...
The theodacy part is the real clincher for me. And it started well before IF -- seeing so much pain and unfairness in my family with mental illness, natural disasters, freakily horrible deaths and pain. Stillborns, children born with diseases which will take their life in a few months...it is incredibly insulting to me when people say things are "meant to be" or that God has a plan we do not understand.
Sorry if I offend, but honestly, either God is either not very powerful (so, what kind of God is that?) or he/she is a real bastard and either chooses not to intervene or is like a child punishing people for not doing what he wants them to do. Either kind of God is pretty sucky.
Perhaps I will try the Universalist church. I DO believe in the power of love and faith (in people and love and good) and that is what draws me to such possible community.