After waiting four days for my RE to review my chart, review my donor's chart and analyze the information about my donor's previous failed fresh and frozen, the email response I got was: "there is nothing that I see that would otherwise suggest her failure.
Sorry I cant tell you more,"
Bharani and I (and I am sure, many of you from the green board) have had what I would consider atypical failures with our cycles.
Is this the response I expect from my RE after 7 failed cycles (OE and DE, two failed DE donors...new RE and protocol for this recent cycle). No.
Of course I am both sad and angry, but I also feel like I have fallen off a cliff into the "the patient no one wants to deal with" territory.
Of course, I have asked for more feedback, but I feel like I get more complex, well thought out and caring responses here, from all of you.
I guess right now I am venting. I am tired. I am still really sad about this failed cycle and losing my mother. And while I know no one can tell me the future, I had hoped that my RE would take me in hand and say, "here is my best suggestion, and what I would do if you were my wife..."
It kills me to see my husband's heartbroken face. We both had a lot of faith in this RE, but the decision was in my hands, and I feel like my husband has lost faith in my judgement and of course, my body...of course.
What now? I don't think we want to chance an FET into me...and while it is nice to fantasize about doing another donor cycle and also using a surrogate...well, we just don't have that kind of money. And we are not ready for donor embryo, shared cycles, etc.
I don't know why I am writing this, other than this is the only place who can possibly understand. In the meantime, my old IF support group now probably has about 3 groups I was a part of who all have their children and all post their pictures on Facebook. Their children are all growing up. And I am just getting older and notice I don't get "checked out" in the grocery store anymore...
...I am older now. And after 8 years, I feel like my life is passing me by.