I'm so very sorry. I've been there & it's devastating.
I'm also sorry you are on the RI road. It's very difficult & demoralizing. FWIW, I'm as sure as I can be that I wouldn't have had success without the Beer Center. I finally went there after 3 DE cycles failures. It's a hard, frustrating, overwhelming journey, but it can be well worth it. I wish you success in the future & I hope things get easier. What a difficult hand you've been dealt. Sometimes we have to take it one day at a time. Looking ahead any further can be too much. One step at a time & try to hang in there. Hugs to you.