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Thoughts on telling a child they were conceived via DE?

May 29 2012 at 4:56 PM
sugar  (Login SugarMags)

 

Ladies you were an amazing help to me a month or so ago when I asked about seeing photos of the donor or not. I was pretty clear that I wanted to but my DH at the time definitely did not. Well I read him each and every one of your responses and he had a change of mind and has since seen photos of potential donors. And your responses further clarified my desire to want to see photos. So THANK YOU to you all!

Now the big philosophical dilemma between us is "to tell or not to tell" the potential child of their birth origins. I know I am getting way ahead of myself but it is a tense discussion that comes up often between us.

I am of the belief that the child from the outset should be fully aware of how they came to be. DH feels once the child understands their origins 1- the child will be angry and reject me and 2- the child will be gossiped about behind their back and/or other kids will tease them causing the child undo pain and suffering. The only thing we agree on is that we are absolutely no tell to friends and family. My feeling is to let the child decide if they want to share it at a certain point in time. So his fear is if the child starts talking/referring about it (say age 3ish) then the cat is out of the bag and now the child is exposed and totally vulnerable and later will hate me. To some degree I do wonder if my DH's fears have some validity? FYI we do live in a small town with lots of narrow minded and judgmental people; just being a woman over 40 and PG will cause tons of fodder.

 
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Responses

  1. of course you tell your child his or her own truth - Anonymous on May 29
    1. Hogwash! - Anonymous on May 29
      1. pusillanimous - BlessedThistle on May 29
        1. Absolutely! nt - MaggieM on May 29
          1. Just wanted to make clear - MaggieM on May 30
    2. I think some of what you wrote is logical - thesameboat on May 30
      1. You are right and I should have seen this - BlessedThistle on May 30
    3. Anonymous - diaphanta on May 30
      1. Thank you, Diaphanta . . . (kids ment) - Maggie in VA on May 30
      2. Maybe bearing children out of wedlock, Diaphanta - thesameboat on May 30
        1. Slavery - diaphanta on May 30
      3. Thank you Diaphanta - sugar on May 30
    4. I appreciate - sugar on May 30
      1. /\ oops this was meant for the first response from Anonymous to my original post. NT - sugar on May 30
     
  2. Re: Thoughts on telling a child they were conceived via DE? - Kerry on May 29
    1. Thank you Kerry - sugar on May 30
     
  3. This is a very charged topic (child mentioned) - Bethlyn on May 29
    1. Bethlyn, - sugar on May 30
     
  4. you don't have to make up your mind now - THK on May 30
    1. Words of wisdom - sugar on May 30
     
  5. its entirely up to you - Dee on May 30
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  7. I haven't told (child mentioned in detail) - thesameboat on May 30
    1. i read about that - Dee on May 30
    2. Hi, TSB, be sure you're getting the right info . . . - Maggie in VA on May 30
    3. That is amazing - makes me think of the song "The Keeper of the Stars" - BlessedThistle on May 30
      1. Thank you. nt - thesameboat on May 30
    4. What your DH said is sooo sweet.... - Raindrops1 on May 30
    5. Thanks Dee & thesameboat - sugar on May 30
    6. it is possible for mutation to account for any blood type in a child - Chi-town Chick on Jun 13
     
  8. such a complicated topic... - Leigh on May 30
    1. Barge to Leigh: thanks! (child ment) - Jen in TN on May 30
    2. Leigh - sugar on May 30
     
  9. Ditto to what the other posters have said (child ment) - Dixiechic on May 30
    1. Thanks - sugar on May 30
     
  10. Hi Sugar. (child ment.) - Raindrops1 on May 30
    1. I love this post . . . - Maggie in VA on May 30
    2. Ditto to Maggie in VA - sugar on May 30
    3. I, too, like this post, thanks for sharing those opinions - Christine on May 30
      1. Thanks Christine - sugar on May 31
     
  11. My perspective (children ment.) - Ariadne on May 30
    1. Ariadne - sugar on May 31
     
  12. I haven't told and will never plan to... religion ment - BlairN on May 31
    1. 100% agree - Sandy on May 31
      1. It would be nice if you could express your opinion without such - Ariadne on May 31
        1. Sorry. Should've written - Ariadne on May 31
      2. I understand this is a charged topic- - Piper on May 31
        1. Yes I understand Ariadne's and Piper's points. Sorry. - Sandy on May 31
          1. Thank you, Sandy. I do understand where you are coming from - Ariadne on May 31
          2. Sandy... - Piper on May 31
          3. unscientific surveys - Julie on May 31
          4. I know how you feel - Dee on Jun 1
    2. BlairN - sugar on May 31
      1. Your welcome... - BlairN on Jun 3
     
  13. Wow!! Now I'm confused - DeeinNYC on May 31
    1. Hi Dee! - sugar on May 31
    2. Keep every stich of Info and DO tell them everything - Fawn on May 31
     
  14. Similar to Fawn - Katie Robins on Jun 1
    1. @ Katie - Fawn on Jun 1
      1. Thank you - Katie Robins on Jun 2
     
  15. We are firmly tell, however, (OE child mentioned) - Zoya on Jun 3
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  17. We plan to tell, but...(OE children mentioned) - misscleo on Jun 10
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