AnonymousMay 30 2012 at 9:11 AM
|diaphanta (no login)|
Response to of course you tell your child his or her own truth
I am sorry that your heartfelt response to the original post in which you quote your own painful experience has received such dismissive responses. Especially as you state sensitively 'In my opinion' witin the body of your reply.
As Bethlyn states below, this is a very hot topic on the board, probably the hottest. FWIW, and this is also aimed at the original poster, most of the moms in favour of telling the child generally think that the child's right to know their origins is immutable - applicable in any circumstance, an inalienable right, if you like, whatever their parents may think, and however unsure they may be about telling. Moms who are firmly 'no tell' to the child generally think it is up to each parent to decide for themselves whether to tell their child. The first group of 'tell' moms are likely not going to be satisfied with that position as it does not recognise children's inalienable rights! So there is incredible tension between the two positions and most of the time the arguments are abated by some firm refereeing.
I sometimes think the arguments are a bit like the arguments about slavery - one group disagrees with slavery as being morally wrong, another group think it is up to individuals to decide for themselves whether or not they want to own slaves, the first group are not going to agree with the 'let people believe in what they want as they know what is best for them' argument as they believe slavery in essence is profoundly wrong and will affect others to their detriment, so there will never be a logical end to the tension.
And then there are a group who are like to THK, still thinking it through...
Personally (as most people know) I agree with all the arguments stated by the original poster and anonymous for telling DE children their origins. I don't think society makes it easy, particularly if you are like Sameboat and DE is seen as a crime in the country you live in, or in some cultures or areas where DE is condemned morally, and I don't think there is one way to go about telling, that is up to each family to weigh for themselves - but I do think every child deserves to know the truth about their origins and to be allowed to develop their own understanding of the implications of DE. If they are not given the opportunity to do this, then in essence they are living what is in essense a lie and that feels wrong to me.
For more info, original poster, I suggest you google 'Donor Conception Network UK' to find out a bit more about the implications of telling - this is a group of which I am a member and which seeks to support parents who decide to tell their children about donor origins. Much of their research has been carried out on DS and DE and children and it is fascinating to read.
- Thank you, Diaphanta . . . (kids ment) - Maggie in VA on May 30
- Maybe bearing children out of wedlock, Diaphanta - thesameboat on May 30
- Slavery - diaphanta on May 30
- Thank you Diaphanta - sugar on May 30