You know, we all have different experiences (children ment.)May 30 2012 at 10:29 PM
|Ariadne (no login)|
Response to how can you get past the feeling that life is unfair
I, too, turned to DE in my 30s. I was just shy of 35 when I got the high fsh news & I was 35 when we decided to move to DE. It took several years & an insane journey to get the 1st of our 2 children. Our 2nd child also has a miracle story, so none of it came easy.
I remember well being in your shoes. For me, failing my DE cycle swept away the sadness & ambivalence. I was horrified & terrified when DE failed me. Followed by a 2nd & a 3rd cycle failure.
I can't know what feelings I would have had if DE had been an easy fix for me, but I do know that contemplating a baby, a child, in the abstract is an entirely different story than holding your newborn baby in your arms, than hearing your child say "Mama!" & throw his or her arms around your legs, confirming you are the center of his or her universe.
My dh had a terrible time embracing DE, but once I was actually pg., it was a different world & now that we have kids? A different galaxy! We both believe our boys to be the most perfect human beings ever born. The love you will feel for your child is something you can never imagine in your wildest dreams.
And some of it depends on your world view. While I am emotional at times, I tend to be very practical when it comes to DE & my children. I have these two children b/c of what I went through & if any variable had been different, I would not have them. That I cannot imagine. So for me, the grief is entirely gone. I'm thankful for my rocky road b/c it has led me to these children, whom I love immeasurably.
What you are feeling is normal. I remember crying as I reviewed donor profiles on my couch. Dh was a grumpster & although he did weigh in, his heart was heavy. It was a tough time.
Now? We are living a wonderful life & are grateful every single day.
Do I wish I had the $$$$$$$$$$$ back? Sure, but I'm truly grateful for the journey b/c it does make me appreciate what I finally have every single day. And no, I'm not exaggerating. Every single day I wonder how in the heck I wound up with 2 wonderful children.
It did seem unfair & surreal at the time, though, so do allow yourself to grieve & rage. Totally normal & understandable.