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Wow!! Now I'm confused

May 31 2012 at 9:20 AM
DeeinNYC  (no login)

Response to Thoughts on telling a child they were conceived via DE?

Thanks to all for your various perspectives. Until reading this thread, I thought that I was very clear that we would be a "tell" our child family. We have no plans of telling anyone other than my mother and my aunt. So only two people besides ourselves will know. . However, we really were/are in the camp that the child should know. A lot of that has been driven by my therapist who specializes in third-party reproduction. She firmly believe that you should tell a child and tell them as soon as possible. For myself, I am scared. I feel like this I am the mother! As someone else said, what else needs to be said? I am definitely scared that the child will be upset with us and think less of me somehow as his or her mother. On the other hand, my husband has a family member that has an adopted child who is now about 12 years old. Although everyone else knows that this child is adopted, they have yet to tell the child. Worse yet, this child has brothers and sisters out there that his parents know about. The parents also know how to contact the birth mother. We feel really bad about the fact that everyone else knows except for this child. It just seems wrong to us.

Maybe adoption is different. I keep thinking about this great movie/documentary I saw called " Off and Running" about a lesbian couple that adopts three children including a black daughter. At the end of the day, no matter what this couple did for her, the daughter wanted to know her birth mother. One of her adopted mothers did not react well to this need to search out and find out more and more about the birth mother. I totally understood where she was coming from. On the other hand, I can't shake the feeling that if I were in the child's place I would want to know. Also, the search for and desire to learn more about the birth mother did not necessarily lead to good things for this child. This is a very hard decision.

You've all really given me a lot to think about. I'm going to have to show my husband these posts. I think he will forever firmly being in the "tell" camp,, but now I'm a little confused frankly.

 Respond to this message   

  1. Hi Dee! - sugar on May 31, 2012
  3. Keep every stich of Info and DO tell them everything - Fawn on May 31, 2012
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