As a woman over 45, when I began to research adoption, I could see the chances of it happening were not that good, especially as I foresaw being a single mother. My marriage was in trouble, and I knew it would be a while till I could my household stabilized enough to pass a home study, etc. When my sister, who had facilitated the immigration work for international adoptions as a consular officer, suggested I look into fertility treatment, I was a bit incredulous (had heard of a number of celebrities giving birth at improbable ages, but didn't know anything about the details), but felt I didn't have anything to lose.
Yes, if you 1) choose lower cost clinics and 2) succeed relatively early on, DE is likely to be less expensive than adoption, certainly international adoption, which is far more limited today than in previous years due to the Hague Convention. My ttc costs came out to roughly $18K for two fresh cycles in the Czech Republic, including travel, which gave me twins on the second cycle plus some good frosties (unfortunately, the Czech Republic passed a law restricting DE treatment to women under 50, so I would have to get them shipped to another country to use them). $18K was the amount an adoption counselor mentioned to me as the likely cost to adopt a child from Haiti (pre-earthquake), the country that seemed the most friendly to older and single women in the western hemisphere, but reading the travails of adoptive parents trying to get their kids out of the country on a Haiti support forum made me anxious about attempting it.
Anyway, as for regrets, I mention some of my anxiety about using an anonymous donor in the thread above. Had I gone to S. Africa, I might have paid more, but could have had more control over my donors. Other than that, I had been wary of having kids when younger in part due to my medical history and my family's, which is brimming with mental illness, alcoholism, and autoimmune issues. So, yes, I do feel some sadness that my kids aren't genetically mine, but I worry more for them, and it's sort of impossible to carry a little human being around in your womb for nine months and not feel he or she is somehow part of you.
Maggie (in VA)
|This message has been edited by maggie1961 on Jun 20, 2012 12:12 PM|