I felt so ashamed of myself that I could not regulate my feelings when around families with children, but I finally had to admit that it was true and try to avoid settings where there were likely to be a lot of kids. I focused on adult activities, tried to eat at restaurants that were less family-oriented, etc. And I just wish I could have enjoyed it all more, b/c I've had very few adult meals or outings since the twins were born, and sometimes I have to just focus back on the sense of emptiness and sadness I felt back then.
There's an old saying not to judge your insides by other people's outsides, and I think that very much applies to IF. Especially if you live in metropolitan areas where women have kids older, you only see the kids, not the years of fertility treatment that might be behind them. And if you don't, when you see a family with 3 or 4 kids, some of the time, #3 and #4 were likely unplanned and perhaps not that welcome. If you see a family with four kids at a street festival, you think, what a beautiful family! But you don't see dad juggling bills or mom wondering how they're going to afford a vehicle big enough to hold them all and the gas for it.
So, no, those people are likely not to know how lucky they are, much as they love their kids. I know this all probably rings pretty hollow for you, b/c I would have been thinking, "Oh! If only I could have such troubles!" But I think one of the most insidious things about IF is that it both deprives you of the pleasure of things you can't enjoy w/kids when you're ttc and it delivers a heaping dose of guilt when you experience the normal sense of fatigue or oppression from the rigors of parenting when you finally get them.
So, ***WARNING, PLATITUDES FOLLOW *** hang in there. Keep your eyes on the prize. Don't berate yourself for finding it difficult; it just is. Be good to yourself. And stay close to the women on this board and the green board, if that applies, b/c unless you have RL support group, no one is going to understand what you're going through like we do.
Maggie (in VA)