We thought about it briefly as a way to "level the playing field" in some way, but in the end used DH's sperm because:
The kiddos would then share DNA with my genetic DD and thus be more "related" to her and the three would share the most in common (Daddy's sperm and mommy's uterus and breast milk).
I think when possible, it is best to offer a child the genetic link to at least one parent. You don't know the egg donor's whole history, and she is still young so SHE doesn't even have much of a history and her parents are probably not much older than in their late 40's. You will have more info, and I think that's ideal for the kiddos.
Interestingly enough, since my boys look nothing like my DH I almost never even think about them having his genes. They are FAR MORE bonded to me, even now that they are close to being three. It doesn't seem inequitable in any way. Whenever I get mad at DH for some reason having to do with the kids, I tell myself (All he did was ejaculate into a cup. I gave myself painful injections, took meds that made me puke, went through endless examinations, didn't eat any junk or drink any coffee, meditated and did yoga, talked to the babies, morning sickness, labor, delivery, nursing, torn abdominal muscles, etc., etc). So...who exactly is the "real" parent??? I almost hesitate to say this because there are women here who needed to use gestational carriers. Those women are 100% their children's mother's as well but sadly had no choice but to give up the biological connection. I'm sure every one of them would have jumped at the chance to carry their babes for that connection and are doing everything and them some to foster deep connections with them now.
If your DH's family history includes some scary diseases (physical or mental) that would be a good reason to seriously consider using DS. Otherwise, TRY REALLY HARD (and believe me, I know it's really hard) to take your own feeling out of the equation. I say this because I now regret using an anon donor...at the time I didn't think about what any potential children might really need and we just did what was easy and least expensive. It is my only regret in having used a donor. Feelings change over time, so what might seem really "unfair" right now might not bother you at all later.
Good luck with your decision.
|This message has been edited by doglvr on Jul 5, 2012 4:39 PM|