Had my first beta on 7/12 -- BFN. I was in a cab on the way take my DS to physical therapy for his broken arm. I'm pretty devastated. Have been crying every free moment I get ever since. It's hard because I have to keep it together in front of my kids. I know I should be grateful for what I have but I'm so so sad. Was it because it was an FET? I'm old to be doing this again, and I wonder if that's what it was....My age. Though my lining looked great.
I had a sinking feeling right after transfer -- can't explain -- but intuitively I felt it wasn't working. They thawed all three that I had left and only two survived. They had been frozen the old way, and only one survived the thaw. The others looked so fragile to me in the picture they handed me. Silly, right? You can't tell of course, but I had this gut feeling. Then no symptoms for a few days, then cramping.
I keep going over and over in my mind -- was it because I am older? Because it was an FET? Because I yelled at my son on the third day and stressed? Because I lifted my daughter? I just can't let it go. I have to keep it together but don't quite know how. No one here really knows me but I'm reaching out. I want to try again with the donor but it's been so long (five years) I have no idea if she'd be willing. And my husband is adamant that he wants this to be it. It's tearing us a bit apart. Oh well....It feels better to write this and reach out.