I wish I was a therapist and could give you great advice as to what to do. I completely understand your feelings of depression and desperation. I felt the same way when trying to conceive my son and my DH was not so excited about it. For me, I came to a deciding point that I was either going to move forward and try to have a baby or consider divorcing and adopting later. I used to look at children on adoption websites and that gave me comfort knowing there were other ways I could bring a child into my life. It was sort of a backup fantasy I had in my head. But I didn't want to do it alone. Once my DH even heard me mention adopting he drug his feet into trying to have a baby. Even though I didn't say it, he knew we would most likely divorce if we did not try to have a baby. Well now we have a little baby boy that we both love very much.
I think it is very very common for women to want a baby and the husband is not interested. Maggie and Future Beauty both have given you great advice and I don't really know what to recommend other than what they have said. If your DH absolutely will not try again to have another baby then I think you need to decide whether it is more important for you to divorce and have a baby on your own or stay married without having a baby. I cringe at the pressure of making that choice. It actually reminds me of all the awful feelings I had when I was trying to decide what to do. That is why I can so relate to the pain in your post.
As far as your desire to have a daughter I'm wondering if it would be possible for you to adopt a girl. I know you can do gender selection with IVF but I have heard it is expensive. I know adoption is expensive too and not easy but I'm just tossing it out there as then you know you would be getting a little girl.
I have a daughter from OE and a baby boy from DE. I was scared to have a boy at first, that I wouldn't feel the same closeness that I do with my daughter. But I have to say I am madly in love with the little guy. I now think all one can hope for is a happy and healthy child. Honestly the gender does not matter.
In any event, I hope you get the little girl you dream of and I wish you peace.