So, as of today I'm 11dp5dt, and have peed on a zillion sticks, with very disappointing results. Official beta is on Thursday AM, but I'm now convinced that this cycle is a bust. I posted previously that the one embryo we transferred was the only one of 5 to make it to blast. The more negative pee sticks I encounter, the more I think that was a bad omen from the start. We've had two previous miscarriages, and in both of those instances I got a positive HPT by 8 or 9dp5dt. Every morning I say to myself - if this were going to work out, there would be enough hcg to show up by now. And, so far, nothing.
Siiiiigggghhhhhhhh. I admit it, I harbored the fantasy that we would, for ONCE, fall on the lucky side of the statistics, and be one of those couples who got pregnant on their first DE IVF. I'm feeling really bitter and jaded and honestly - ANGRY - right now. I know I shouldn't completely give up until the official beta results, I do understand that there's still a chance, but in my heart it feels like a remote one. Not stopping my nightly injections, as much as I want to. Ugh.
We're doing shared risk, so at least there's no financial implications to agonize over - so that's a plus. Is it horrible that one of the things I'm thinking about to make myself feel better is a potential tropical vacation to an all-inclusive (read: constant-alcohol-consumption) resort? Thanks for letting me share here, I feel better already.