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My husband left me! (OE child ment)

August 17 2012 at 7:28 PM
emilyr99  (Login emilyr99)

Hi guys,

I know it has been a really long time. I haven't been away, just lurking for a few months now while I dealt with the shock of needing DE for my second child.

I thought that I was finally coming to terms with everything and then out of the blue, three weeks ago, my husband left me. He told me yesterday during a very deep discussion that part of the reason he left is because he doesn't want to do DE, but that he does want more children. I don't think I need to tell you how this makes me feel as I know it would be a blow to any woman in our situation. What I can tell you is that I am a complete wreck and am struggling to function at all. If it wasn't for my DD. who is 4, I probably wouldn't even get out of bed.

We found out in January that we would need DE and other than telling me initially that he wants more children, he wouldn't discuss it and he never came with me to any of the counselling appointments with the fertility counselor. He has never been one to express his feelings much, hence the fact that it was completely out of the bue. I had no idea that he was unhappy. We don't fight, we tell each other that we love each other many times a day and he calls me two or three times from work every day just to tell me. I find it hard to believe that he was faking that. He has stated other reasons he left, but they are things that are easily dealt with if he would just try.

Some of these reasons are;
He says we are more like roommates at the moment (we do need to make more of an effort to reconnect as he is a shift worker - a cop)
He says we don't have enough in common (ths is totally untrue, he just doesn't seem to tnk we do, but we have heaps in common)
He doesn't like that I won't work full time (we agreed to giving DD a full time parent, but I am prepared to go back to work during school hours once she is 5 and in school) this is something I feel very strongly about though and we can afford to do this.
He misses sex (I am peri menopausal, so this is something I need to work on as I know all men need sex)
He can't deal with his guilt over his cheating 5 years ago (I have completely moved on from this and trust him implicitly, but he doesn't deal with emotions well, particularly guilt)

I believe that marriage is a promise to always work on your relationship, even when you don't really want to. I am prepared to try, but other than agreeing to counselling (which took some real pushing), I don't think he is really prepared to try at all. He simply doesn't want to.

We are both relatively young (I'm 35, he's 32) and he seems to have some very warped ideas of what marriage is. He thinks it is all passion, all the time and refuses to accept that sometimes it is simply companionship and that the passion comes in waves.

Am I kidding myself that I can get him back? If anyone has been through this, particularly with DE being such a deal breaker, please help. Hard truths are just as welcome as encouragement. I need help!

 Respond to this message   

  1. Re: My husband left me! (OE child ment) - Denise on Aug 17, 2012
    1. Thanks - emilyr99 on Aug 19, 2012
      1. Re: Thanks - Denise on Aug 19, 2012
  2. Re: My husband left me! (OE child ment) - Dee on Aug 17, 2012
    1. Nice to know I'm not alone - emilyr99 on Aug 19, 2012
      1. well - Dee on Aug 19, 2012
  3. I'm sorry this is happening to you - anon for this on Aug 17, 2012
    1. Hard truths are helpful too - emilyr99 on Aug 19, 2012
  4. So sorry - Jen in TN on Aug 18, 2012
    1. Thanks for caring - emilyr99 on Aug 19, 2012
  5. so sorry:(. (God mentioned) - havefaith on Aug 18, 2012
    1. Thanks for the prayers - emilyr99 on Aug 19, 2012
  6. I am so sorry - Violet on Aug 19, 2012
  8. So sorry to hear this. ((Emily)) - Hopeful in Delaware on Aug 19, 2012
  10. I'm very sorry...(I'm not going to be kind to your DH here) - Renata on Aug 19, 2012
  12. similar experience here.. - Leigh on Aug 19, 2012
    1. Re: similar experience here.. - Anonymous on Aug 20, 2012
  13. I'm so sorry - Antonialisa on Aug 20, 2012
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