and I went through something similar to you about 6 years ago - in my case, my then DH withdrew suddenly and was not truly looking to fix things , although he went through the motions and it took him several months in the end to leave. After months of racking my brain and analysing our relationship and him and his behavior, someone finally said to me very bluntly "is he seeing somebody?" and, suddenly, his criticisms, behavior towards me finally started to make sense. It was so hard to hear at the time, but in the end I was so grateful for someone being blunt with me, because this is what was going on. So I will be blunt here, in the hopes this may help you - do you think he could possibly be seeing somebody or have someone possibly in the wings? there is something about his comments about lack of sex, being roommates, wanting you to work full-time, his guilt about past infidelity and perhaps his desire for escapism from your IF situation, makes me think this might be the case. I truly hope I am wrong and that you can get things back on track if this is what you want in the end. But I wanted to put this at least out there, in case it helps you to assess the situation. I truly know how hard it is to be in this boat. Sending you hugs and hope my post does not cause upset.