why should you HAVE TO count your blessings? yes you are blessed with a child. but you want another. i was blessed with one DE child. i wanted another. is it so much to dream of having TWO CHILDREN? does that make us selfish? NO!!! we had a woman on these boards who had quadruplets. she wanted another, and it made her sad when she wasn't successful. she wanted to experience a normal pregnancy, not one fraught with (more than usual) anxiety, without babies in the NICU. everyone has their reasons and you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling what you are feeling. it's all very natural. the heart wants what the heart wants, that's all there is to it. i understand and i wish you all the very best. i'm sorry you are hurting.