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Thanks ladies

February 19 2013 at 6:21 PM
Mrs. Mc Irish  (no login)

Response to Mrs. McIrish -- you can ignore this but had to write (stuff ment)

I really appreciate everyone taking their time to write such lovely messages to me about your experiences. I guess the biggest lesson I have learned from my IF experience is to never say "never". No one knows what the future will bring and people change their minds when faced with decisions they never imagined being faced with. But for now, DH and I are stopping treatment. We are in tough spot right now as our insurance coverage is expiring with no time left to cycle. I got laid off my job at the end of 2012 as my dept closed. I really have not been in a mindset the past few months to look for a new job. I do have the luxury of a severance so it, at least, has allowed me to not have to work during this last cycle. I don't think I would have been able to function with work stresses on top of this insane cycle's events. We also decided to sell our house that is too expensive without my job and DH wants to return to his home city (he moved for me when we got married as he could commute and I had the better paying job). With my job no longer in the picture he does not want to stay here. We will likely take a hit on selling the house with the real estate market so financially I just cannot take on the debt on a guarantee program.

I know many of you are older than me but I am concerned with our ages. DH's parents were "older" than most parents of his day, especially for the 1960s. My DH is turning 45 in a few weeks and my FIL just turned 90 last week; my MIL is 84. They are in decent shape for their ages but it is challenging having older parents. Add in young babies and it does scare me. I hope no one takes offense to this-- I'm just not sure I see us coming back to cycle in a few years when money is not at the forefront.

So for now, we are stopping. We've been cycling non-stop since we got married 3 yrs ago. It's been hard on our relationship. We never got to be happy newlyweds. I just have to step back from all the sadness and try to play the cards I was dealt. I still have no idea why we keep getting bad embryos-- it is a mystery and my current doctors say nothing about it. We've had every sperm test there is and all were normal. DH doesn't want to pursue donor embryos. I don't really get why not since he would adopt if we were younger but he isn't budging at this point. I don't think I could endure getting more bad embryos or another loss, especially like this current one. I really cannot help but think that the universe is interfering here--that it knows something I don't. We've had every roadblock imaginable in every single cycle and I just feel to my core that a higher power is stopping this. I don't know the reason and I doubt I ever will. I just hope that "someone" knows better than me and that is why this is happening.

I truly appreciate all of you so much. I really didn't share this cycle with people IRL so having your support, no matter what, has touched my heart more than you will ever know.

 Respond to this message   

  1. Are you open to adoption? - Julie on Feb 20, 2013
    1. Can you send it to me as well? - Orchid on Feb 20, 2013
    2. Just not up for it - Mrs. McIrish on Feb 20, 2013
      1. completely understand -- BTDT - Julie on Feb 20, 2013
    3. Adoption info - sorry for the barge - SMRC on Feb 21, 2013
  2. I understand - Orchid on Feb 20, 2013
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