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February 13 2014 at 7:09 PM
Sophie  (Login sophie6)

Response to Seeking Inspiration- Share success stories. I'm feeling really over it.


Sorry-- wish I could inspire, but I am at the start of the DE journey and don't have a success story yet. I am, however, a long time IF vet. I have spent 8 of the last 10 years TTC. Your comment regarding the insane inner dialog about why it hasn't worked really resonates. I would tell you to stop doing that, but I have no idea how one stops that little voice. And the "why not me...", whether it's neighbors, friends or coworkers, it is just so awfully painful. You can explain it to someone who hasn't been there, but they really can't grasp the intensity of the feelings, the sense of inadequacy, the anger, and the envy of other women, not just for the babies they have, but for the ease with which they do it-- in the privacy of their own bedrooms, without meds, needles & invasive procedures, and without emptying their bank accounts and 401Ks.

Regarding DH, their brains are just not configured for saying the right thing. When I chose my first donor (who later bailed), his response was "pretty exciting!". You bet. So exciting, after years of pain and failure, to choose my genetic replacement.

I don't mean to be a downer. The whole point is that this absolutely sucks, and you are not alone in feeling what you are feeling. The process is hell, but the payoff is inexpressibly wonderful-- I really believe that. What keeps me going is just what you mention-- the question of what I am more likely to regret-- spending all the money and going through all the hell, or looking back on it all and wishing I had.

So I wish I had inspiration for you now, but I don't. I do hope you have some to share very soon. For now, please know you are not alone.

Take care,

This message has been edited by sophie6 on Feb 13, 2014 8:11 PM

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