| Original Message |
dee.s. (no login)
Posted Jul 3, 2009 9:32 AM
Hi I read your post below you ask about regrets. I read a blog from a mom who did DE, her child is still a baby. She regrets telling anyone. She was so strong in her convictions to tell and share her story. Now people are asking ignorant questions that are annoying and hurt. What if your child wants to be with his "real" mother. That sort of crazy stuff. She feels as if co-workers are still talking behind her back about it. She is probarly right. Me I can't handle that stuff, I feel like I am putting a burden on my child that is not fair, you never know how a child is going to take this and you risk upsetting the balance in his life, I can't take that chance. If all is well, why introduce this? It just adds thoughts and questions I don't think I can answer. My donor is anoymous to me, with no medical issues. What could I share? I say if you have any doubts or not sure, keep it to yourself until you are sure no matter what you will not regret telling. I learned early on in my life, regrets are a terrible burden on the regretter, you could spend the rest of your life every day regretting something. So I live my life as to not to have any regrets, to make the best decision up front, make it in a way that no matter what given the circumstances again you would do it the same. I want you to think like your child, how would you feel if you found out that your mother wasn't your biological mother, that you don't have that tie, or you are tied to your dad but not your mom. Do you want to know about sisters and brothers from your bioligal mom? Do you feel like your "Real" family is out there somewhere? I say for me biology does not make a mother, does not make a family. Just be sure you want to tell and will do so with no regrets, have the conviction and confidence to deal with the annoying questions, or insensitive comments. I don't have the strength or confidence to deal with that stuff. I also don't have the burden of to tell or not to tell, my decision was easy for me. No questions asked...litterly no questions asked from anyone. Just everyone happy that we were finally pregnant. I was asked several times by nosey people about IVF, I said we started trying in December to have a baby and by March we were pregnant and I say no more. I skirt away from that infertility stuff. I am so not tell, I truly forget about DE and the donor. I have moved on, her donation made a big difference in my life, an eye, a heart, an egg. A medically necessary donation. If I could thank her personnaly I would, but thats where it ends. This tell stuff is gonna open doors one day, for the donors to be more involved in these children lifes then the parents want. There is a Lifetime Movie waiting to happen from this stuff, and I will be sitting back saying THANK GOD I did not tell anyone! |
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