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  • I do Hear You (child, adoption, m/c ment)
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      Posted Mar 3, 2011 2:24 PM

      IF can be really challenging without getting excited calls from newly pregnant friends and relatives. I cringe every time someone tells me they're pg. I don't know your personal situation, but when things get painful, I send a gift and a card, and that is it.

      Lately it seems everyone I know is PG. And it's impossible for them to realize how they are slicing my heart open with a knife every time they go on about their pgcy and birth stories. I am happy for them. Really. It's just don't want to hear it.

      Biogal wrote: "My whole personality had changed because of the grief of those years. I was normally very optimistic and cheerful and extroverted. Even though I'm happier now with my children, I am much more reserved and not much of a people person anymore."

      I have to agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment. I feel like the grief/loss/disapointment forced me to grow up in a way that many of my friends just did't. And sometimes I really miss the old me. But I'm not that person anymore.

      After a few years of struggling with IF and a particularly rough m/c I adopted a little girl - whom I LOVE dearly - and thought I could just move on. But the part of me that wants to HAVE A BABY just won't go away.

      I at 44 I'm TTC again w/ DE. And part of me is cringing even going to the RE - back to bw and monitoring. And hoping this time it will be different. After spending 10s of thousands here I go with another $30K - but I should have a very decent chance at a live birth with DE. And that is what I keep holding on to. And no, my family is not supportive. They feel I'm too old, but this isn't up for debate.

      The OB/GYN who did my saline sonogram said she has seen quite a few women in mid 40s-50s getting pg with DE and "things going well." So I hold on to that too.

      GL on your journey.

      Mal

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